I do a lot of dumb things. I know I do a lot of dumb things, but I still try to explain them.

10 Half-Assed Justifications

1) "Yeah, I smoke, but I don't eat meat so that cancels it out."

2) "Yeah, I doubled, OK *tripled* the butter in the recipe, but I don't eat meat so that cancels it out."

3) "'I want you to want me' was playing while I was thinking of him, so that is why I got drunk at noon and called him to profess my love."

4) "It worked on Friends."

5) "It worked on The Simpsons."

6) "If I buy regular cigarettes, I'll cut down on the amount I smoke."

7) "Cuz Bruce Springsteen told me to."

8) "It's Christmas/Halloween/ my birthday/ Leap Day/ Australia Day/ etc., damnit."

9) "It's that time of the month and I'm gushing like a teenaged girl in love."

10) "He/she/it sucks. That's why."

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