Teeth! - 02.28.02 - 11:55 pm
Look!

For a very, very long time, I had a small but noticeable gap between my front teeth. If you're one to believe in old wives tales, my gap was the result of sucking my thumb until the age of six. I like to think that The Higher Power gave me my gap so I could have some sort of off-kilter feature that I would hate at first, and then grow to love. There's a lesson in there somewhere, but I'm tired and will think about it tomorrow.

Anyhoo, up until about four years ago, there are no existing pictures of me giving the camera a toothy grin. My smiles on film were always closed-lip and in the words of my uncle, cocky. The Shit-Eating Grin was something that could only be seen in the absence of cameras and cute boys. Then, I realized that my gap was actually kinda cool and dude, look! I can shoot beer through my teeth like a squirt gun!

I was loving my funky gap and smiling and astonishing people by the volume of my whistles. I was happy in my abnormality and you know what that means:

One day I woke up and it was all gone. Gone. No more gap. Teeth are straight and boring and I think I'm going to cry. Fucking gone.

I don't know how this could have happened. Dude. My gap. Gone.

Fucking teeth.

(Molly would like to apologize to all those who have just read an entire diary entry about teeth. She is cold, sleepy, and stunned that she can no longer shoot beverages through her front teeth at keggers. There will be no more entries about funky teeth. She promises. Unless, of course, the gap comes back. Then you won't be able to get her to shut up about it.)

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