Want to know what I found in the lake today? Sure you do.

A football.

Yeah, it's just a football and it's not even fully inflated anymore, but it's still the coolest football in the world.

Why?

Cuz I found it in a lake.

There is also what looks like a femur on the bank. It very well may be a cow or horse femur, but I am believing it to be human femur.

Why?

Cuz I am morbid and the thought of a body in the lake makes my brain do all sorts of crazy things. Like think. Why would there be a femur on the bank? Budget burial? Voodoo ritual? Should I hold a seance and find out? Seriously. My curiosity is piqued.

I am so incredibly bored w/life right now, I just want to make things happen. That sounds like it's a good thing and will be the proper motivation to get me off my ass. But no. All I will do is bitch and moan and possibly get a crush on some jackass to pass the time.

I just have to remember to keep my mouth shut cuz, apparently, I am no longer desirable when speaking. That's sarcasm right there in case you were about to yell at me or something. Well, OK, yell at me anyway. Cuz I have completely convinced myself that the diner boy would have called had I not spent the ten minutes he was at our table blabbering my head off. I am pretty sure he was interested at first. Then he heard me talk. Now nothing.

Yeah, yeah. If he thinks you suck, not worth your time, blah.

Whatever.

You would think the same thing.

Maybe I should have talked about the duck. I'm almost a hundred percent certain that is why I still have friends. Without me, there are no Howie stories. And without Howie stories, is there even a point to this all?

Aw, fuck. This entry is all over the place tonight.

Hey, did you know that I am the number one Google result for "Jimmy+Fallon+commercial"? Rock.

(Oh, one more thing, I am seriously surprised at how many people want the mix tape. I will email you all soon and have them done in, oh, 2 weeks. Mix tapes!)

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