OK, so I lied. The 300th entry would not fall on "tomorrow". It would fall on "whenever the fuck I felt like it".
So here you go (in two parts because you people ask some good questions).
Question 1- First, and of course, most importantly, how many times a week, on average, do you masturbate? Sorry. I had to be the first nasty one. (Asked by Carie)
Answer- Not nearly enough. Lately, I've been too tired. Yes, you read that right. I AM TOO TIRED TO MASTURBATE. My god. I don't deserve a clitoris.
Question 2- Ha! I will not ask you about touching yourself (tee hee...something in this world has to stay sacred...), but I will ask you what drives you to be you every day? (Asked by Robin)
Answer- Oh, man, that's a tough question. Boredom? Hee. I'm kidding. I guess the right answer to that question has to do with the fact that I have absolutely no respect for people who aren't true to themselves. Why deny yourself? Peer pressure? Fuck 'em. To be comfortable in your own skin is enough to combat the taunts and judgments. I wish I knew this in middle school. Easier said than fucking done, though.
Question 3- Do you ever get the urge to lick your ducks, like a mama cat licks her kittens? And do you ever act on this urge? (If I had ducks, I'd want to lick them.) (Asked by Peth)
Answer- Hee. Not after I've spent no more than three minutes watching them wallow in the mud and eat worms. I have kissed the top of Howie's poofy thing, though, to the extreme disgust of my mother. "He sticks his whole head in mud" is what she said. True, very true. So, no, I do not lick my ducks.
Question 4- How do you define feminism?
Answer- Freedom. No fear. Loving yourself, no matter what the TV tells you. Action.
Question 5- How do you define rock and roll?
Answer- Baby, I am rock and roll. OK, not really. Rock and roll: something that makes you feel stuff times ten.
Question 6- Who do you find foxxxy (specifically or in general)?
Answer- Specifically, Jimmy Fallon and Ice-T. In general, good shoes, politics and a dry sense of humor. And Jimmy Fallon.
Question 7- What the pf should I do with my life? (All asked by Mary)
Answer- I think you would make the best late night talk show host E-VER. Overthrow Jay Leno! Viva la Skypie Revolution! I know you want to. And, even though you probably knew I was going to say this, you should do whatever the fuck you want because you can do whatever the fuck you want. Cuz you're awesome.
Question 8- How many cigarettes do you smoke a day?
Answer- As of 1:51pm, today I have smoked 9. I just counted the butts in the ashtray. I woke up at 9am, for the record. The cigarette consumption increases as the day grows older, so I would say almost a pack per twenty-four hours. Or something. OK, now I feel pathetic.
Question 9- Who is the girliest rock star? (Both asked by Ash)
Answer- Sammy fucking Hagar. OK, so the only reason I say this is because this one time, my friends and I were going somewhere and one of them swore he just saw Sammy Hagar in a car. So we caught up to the car and it totally looked like Sammy Hagar, so we all started yelling, "Sammy Hagar sucks!" which is true because he totally ruined Van Halen. Anyway, so we're yelling "Sammy Hagar sucks!" and the person turned around and it was totally a woman. So we apologized and drove faster.
Question 10- Have I told you lately that I love you?
Answer- No. Jerk.
Question 11- Can I clear you off a seat? *snicker* (Both salaciously asked by May)
Answer- Why, how nice of you!
Question 12- So. What, exactly, is the deal with That Boy? You never did write about it. I'm curious. (Asked by Dev)
Answer- You know, he has this URL, so I should probably be creative and vague about the whole thing so I don't offend the poor soul. OK, not really. I've know Jerkface for many, many years. We went to summer camp together and shit. He's even seen my natural hair color. When I was twelve, I got a crush on him during that week at camp and told him how I felt after watching an episode of MASH outside the gym. He pretended I had never said anything. Repeat for several more years. Now, I only really liked the boy during the summer because once school started, there would be some asshole who actually lived in the same county that I could drool over. And then I turned 17. We continued to keep in touch after camp and the crush remained. For the next three years. Continuously. Only interrupted by Jimmy Fallon and the Weenie, who doesn't even count because I still liked Jerkface that whole time I dated the twerp. So, yeah. He's truly a great boy to have as a friend and actually put up with all my shit. OK, I'm losing myself here. Alright. So I liked the kid. A lot. He may or may not have felt the same way and I honestly don't give a fuck either way. He says he did have "feelings" but jack shit happened and I'm not even sure I want to know why or how or what. It's just...OK. I am going to use a metaphor. It was like being one digit off from having the winning Lotto numbers. No, I lied. It's like having a friend whom you really care about and who made you very happy and like you were actually cool. Shit, sometimes it even seemed like he felt the same way about you and it didn't matter that he would leave the next day cuz, for right now, you didn't give a fuck about anything. OK, fucking Christ, man. Metaphor? I can't explain. If I still had feelings for him, maybe I could write it all out, but right now, nothing makes sense. Anyway, sorry. All those little synapses in my brain are preventing me from remembering just how I felt. Yeah.
Question 13- OK, so my question is: Should I go for it, or should I wait? (Asked by Myshell)
Answer- Because I am currently regretting not going for it, I will say GO FOR IT.
Question 14- Molly, why is the sky blue? (Asked by Tori)
Answer- Actually, the sky is not really blue. It is just an illusion created by space and, um, the atmosphere. You see, there's this shit that...looks blue from far away. Or something. Goddamnit. I actually knew the answer once. OK. The sky is blue because Jesus said so.
Question 15- Who is your most hated celebrity, and why? (Asked by Holly, who also did this question and answer thing once.)
Answer- Ray Liotta. I fucking hate Ray Liotta. Why? He creeps me out. He always looks like he's picturing you naked. And Avril Lavigne just needs to shut the fuck up. It is not hardcore to spit on people for looking at you funny. That is BRATCORE. And shut up, shut up, shut UP about Britney and Christina and Shakira. Why do you only trash women? Huh? OK, sorry. My Avril rant has been building up for months. I'll get it all out someday.
Question 16- What made you choose the tattoos you did?
Answer- I chose the moon and Perseus because (this is going to sound cheesy, but fuck it) they mean a lot to me. It's just one of those things, you know? I keep finding all these drawings I did of the Perseus constellation scattered about my room and now I have it permanently carved in my arm. The Perseids are my favorite meteor shower and it was during them that I saw The Coolest Meteor EVER. So, yeah.
Question 17- When do we get to see them? (Both asked by Jen)
Answer- Soon, soon....
On to Part Two.
Forever 23, my ass - 01.25.06
P-Nutz - 01.20.06
My nose hurts - 01.16.06
And really bad eggs - 01.13.06
I ain't no Alex Trebek - 01.11.06