I really shouldn't be updating right now. Instead, I should be in bed and dreaming about sexy men with very rhythmic tongues.

Do you SEE what I sacrifice for you people?

I'm reading a book about vampires and, goddamn, people are fucking nuts. There's all this stuff about what villagers in the olden days did to prevent vampires. Shit like eating babies and doing weird dances. And then there are all these crazy stories about the living dead and how this one time, some guys shoved a stake into a dead man's skull cuz he had been spotted sucking the blood from his widow even though he had been dead for weeks and the dead man started screeching like a banshee. Then all the guys got bubonic plague or something.

It was crazy.

I think the dude who wrote this book is totally making it all up.

We came up with a wonderful idea at the diner tonight but I cannot remember it. This sucks.

Oh! There's this thing! OK, you know those evil games where you put a dollar in and then try to grab a toy with the spindly little hand thing?

Well.

I saw this one and in it was a plush duck wearing a shirt that said "Chick Magnet."

I MUST HAVE THIS DUCK.

If someone wins this for me, I promise you will never have to masturbate again.

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