Good Riddance - 12.07.03 - 10:59 pm
Look!

I have no idea when my gold membership is going to run out and I apologize for those little red Xs where all my pretty pictures used to be. If it helps, just pretend I got THE EDGE and I won't mention how much I've been drinking until at least the fourth paragraph.

I know I haven't been updating that much and my excuse would take longer than an hour to type out. Too much shit going on in my head and it's kinda overwhelming when I try to write about anything else. Of course, I could write about the shit going on in my head but shhhh...it's a secret. Not really, but whatever. I just don't feel like getting into it too much.

Yesterday was Jay's funeral. Best Friend and Are are back and last night we drank 40s while Best Friend played all these goddamn horrible songs. There were also horrible songs played and roses thrown in the water when we went to the beach with Jay's family that evening.

Yeah.

Fuck it. I can't talk about it right now.

Then there's the other thing. The other thing which seems to be fucking me up even though I know I am not capable of even thinking about dealing with it right now. Fucking shit, you guys...I don't know. Everything just got really fucking complicated and I can't figure out any way to ease it that doesn't involve leaving and/or drinking.

I wish I knew how to ask people for help without feeling like a jerk.

This shit is lame. I'm sorry I'm not funny anymore and live three blocks away from the duck so I can't tell Howie stories anymore.

Fuck, fuck, fuck. Here come the tears again. I am so sick of crying and missing people and being scared and wanting people and hurting myself cuz I don't know how to react sometimes.

I am also sick.

Cough syrup and sleep. That'll do for now.

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