�
� |
� | � |
Look! When I was 11, there was a boy who sat in front of me in science class. His name was K and he looked like a German chipmunk. Every day, I would put my feet on the back of his desk, he would call me a bitch, and I would tell him to go to hell. This went on for weeks. One day, our mutually hated science teacher told the class a story about why it is bad to throw locks. Something about a gushing head wound. When K and I heard the word "blood," we started laughing like Beavis and Butthead. This started a conversation about our favorite horror writers and we became friends. A little while later, I developed a massive crush on K. My best friend told me that I should do something, so on Valentine's Day, I put a card saying "I have a crush on you. From- S.A." in his locker. The poor bastard spent the whole lunch period trying to figure out who had the initials S.A. Finally, I blurted out "I wrote that card." K said, "But your initials aren't S.A." I said, "It means Secret Admirer, dumbass." And we began dating in the loosest sense of the word. Or, to resurrect middle school lingo, "going out." A couple months later, K dumped me. The reason, he said? I was too depressed and never smiled (the irony just kind of knocks you down and gives you a wedgie, huh?). Actually, as I was to find out a couple days later, K dumped me because he had a crush on my best friend. She also liked him, but wouldn't date him because I still liked him. I, fancying myself a martyr in generic Keds, insisted they get together. They did and the following is the result: or What Happens When a Melodramatic Pre-Teen Discovers Lord Byron In this lush, green world we live in, there exists so much hidden sin I did good for a friend Now he is happy, but I am not As I stand outside, alone, the song of the dove begins to drone And can you believe I have a whole notebook of that shit? PAGES and PAGES, you guys. I don't know whether to be happy or horrified. Yeah. When I was a junior in high school, I went to my locker after lunch and found a folded piece of graft paper inside. I opened it. There was a sketch of a skull and a disembodied penis on one side and on the other it said, in huge letters, "I WANT TO ROCK YOUR WORLD -S.A." I'm all what the fuck? S.A.? Who the hell is that? Then K comes ambling up, giggling. It took him five years, but the bastard got me back. This is where I end this entry. Forever 23, my ass - 01.25.06 P-Nutz - 01.20.06 My nose hurts - 01.16.06 And really bad eggs - 01.13.06 I ain't no Alex Trebek - 01.11.06 � |
� |
|