Oh. My. God. If it were possible to kill an internet connection, my DSL would be sleeping with the fucking fishies.

Christ, man.

ANYWAY, I don't care that this will have to wait until morning to be revealed. Why? Because it's so fucking cool, time will not tarnish it.

OK, so May and I went to see Pirates of the Caribbean again tonight. Is it sad that we have plans to see it many more times in the theatre and that I'm plotting ways to sneak in grog? Some of which are highly complicated and break more laws than required? No? That's what I thought, haters.

Oh, wait. Before I tell you THE COOLEST THING EVER, my mom and I went shopping today for clothes. I found a red and white striped shirt, which made me very happy. My mom says that the shirt will make me look like a sailor and I'm like, no, Mom. A pirate! And then I went Arrr! and scared an old lady looking at peasant blouses. My mom then mentions that she really wants to see Pirates of the Caribbean. I tell her that it's awesome and May and I will be seeing it again that night. My mom looks a little hurt....

Mom- I love Johnny Depp.

Molly- He's wearing eyeliner.

Mom- I know.

Then we both stared off into space, dreamily.

Anyway, COOLEST THING EVER. OK. You ready?

My last name, when translated into English, is SPARROW. I remembered that tonight when we were watching the movie and it took every ounce of self-control to not stand up in the theatre and yell, "Alright, you fuckers. My last name is Sparrow. I fucking ROCK." Yeah, you wish you were as cool as me. I know. I'll let you have some time to formulate marriage proposals and control the rampant envy you feel boiling up in your chest.

You cool now?

OK.

Oh wait, it gets better. One of my uncles? Is named Jack. I have every intention of calling him tomorrow morning and yelling into the phone "OHMYGOD! Dude! Did you know your name is JACK SPARROW?!" I know exactly what he'll say, too: "Molly, it's 8 in the morning. Are you drunk?" And I'll just be like, "Aye!"

Yeah, this is awesome. All those feelings of worthlessness and not being cool enough have totally been squashed.

I think I've moved so far beyond nerd, classifying me would require inventing a whole new word.

Which reminds me...the sword fight between Johnny Depp and the elf? I could seriously watch that for hours and hours. Especially if all that sword fighting made them hot and they started taking off their clothes. Yeah. That would be pretty cool.

Ahem.

I love that goddamn movie.

Ooo, my DSL is back.

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