Pirates? - 07.24.03 - 4:27 pm
Look!

This morning, my dad came thisclose to dicking out of Pirates of the Caribbean.

Despite having fallen asleep only an hour and a half beforehand, I got out of bed at 7 and shuffled into the living room where my dad was getting ready to leave for work.

"Pirates?" I said, hopefully.

He shook his head and said something about maybe going next week instead. I actually felt my face fall and my lower lip stick out. Dude, I haven't made that face since I was, like, ten.

Apparently, you don't have to be cute for that face to work.

BURN.

"OK, OK," he said. "I'll call you this afternoon to find out the movie times, alright?"

"Pirates!" I said.

Then he left for work and I passed out at the dining room table.

And, dude, what's this shit about McDonald's having PotC toys? MCDONALD'S? Why couldn't it be Burger King or Subway or even Taco Bell? Eating at McDonald's would require me abandoning part of my belief system. Do I really NEED pirate toys that much?

Yes, yes, I think I do.

PIRATE TOYS, FUCKERS.

OK, that kinda makes it sound like I would be giving up vegetarianism for pirate toys. I'm not. Unless they're TALKING pirate toys then bring me those dead cow bits, ye scurvy dogs. And it's not like I'd actually have to EAT the food, but then we're getting into privileged/wasteful territory.

Oh my. Am I turning the acquisition of pirate toys from a fast food chain into a sociological issue? Quick. Someone get me boozed up before I begin talking about minimum wage.

Ahem. Anyway.

Speaking of the S-M-R-T, it's request time! I know y'all are intelligent and well-read people who enjoy their brains. Would you like to suggest some non-fiction books that you really enjoyed for me to read? Right now, my obsessions are leaning towards mythology, superstitions, evil, and cannibalism. Or human sacrifices. Whichever. If you know of any books about those subjects that you think were really good, I would love to hear them. Or any non-fiction book, for that matter.

This will kind of tie into my Big Plans for the Big 500, by the way.

OK, I need to forage for some food.

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