Dude. I hate when you remember a movie being scary as fuck and how you actually had problems sleeping for weeks after you saw it and then you watch it again and are merely creeped out. Jacob's Ladder did that. I mean, it's still one of the creepiest movies ever but where's the pissing yourself? The sobbing hysterically? The frightened we're-gonna-die makeout session? OK, so none of that actually happened the first time I saw it, but still!

Maybe it's cuz I no longer drop acid. My best friend and I wrote an article about horror movies for the school paper and the description for Jacob's Ladder was merely "Don't do drugs." Hey, I just remembered we were actually on drugs when we wrote that article. Oh, sweet, sexy irony.

Anyway, work made me want to eat my face. 170 people per hour. And every single one either smelled bad or like my ex-boyfriend.

Friday night, though....

Fucking ROLLINS.

With KEITH MORRIS.

Doing BLACK FLAG songs.

I finally got all the hearing back in my left ear this morning.

OK, so the opening band was like the epitome of all things bad cock rock. Words won't do them justice. When they came on stage, Jay and I had a short argument over whether or not the lead singer looked like a fat Ted Nugent or Sammy Hagar. Yeah, that means he had The Hair. Blond, corkscrew-curly hair to his asshole which he would fling around at the appropriate time. Which was, apparently, every fucking twenty seconds. There was no resolution to the debate. All we could agree on was that men in their forties should not wear fishnets.

This guy. OK. Goddamn. Quote. "How many of you fellas are here with your old ladies? C'mon, motherfuckers! Show 'em you have some fucking BALLS. Drink alcoholic beverages!" or something like that.

He also dedicated every other song to "the drunk ladies. You know I love ya."

At first, it was funny. And sad. Then they broke out with the power ballads. And the smoke machine. Then "sad" stood alone while "funny" offed itself in the garage.

Best Friend and I cried silently while waving our fingers in front of each other's faces to check for trails.

As soon as they finished and the house music came on, the first song played was the Violent Femmes "Kiss Off." There were high fives all around and Jay went to get more beer. There was a lot of high fiving that night. And there was a lot of beer.

I don't remember the second band. I was too busy watching the groupies grope the Hair Band From Hell.

At one point, I had my pack of Dorals in one hand and a Pabst Blue Ribbon in the other. Best Friend tapped me on the shoulder and said, "Just so you know, that's really trashy." Then we high fived.

OK. Rollins!

I was one person away from the stage by the time Keith Morris came out and as soon as he started singing "Nervous Breakdown," everyone slammed forward. It was hot, smelly and loud. I got whacked, elbowed, rammed and humped(!). Someone nearby used Aussie shampoo and I hadn't been that fucking happy in a really long.

There was this really tall guy in front of me and his ponytail kept ending up in my mouth. I felt bad cuz, you know, that's rude, but then he shoved a girl and said "Get out of the way!" Then I was like, "Whatever, dick. I hope you get split ends." Yeah. Hardcore.

And then there was Rollins. He started with "Rise Above" and people went fucking nuts and I looked behind me and saw this dude who was bleeding from the EYE. We grinned at each other.

Yeah. Just like words could do no justice to the Hair Band From Hell, they won't work for describing that fucking show. It was just...great.

And I have the bruises to prove it.

I came home and my dad was still up at the computer. He asked how the show was and I realized that I was soaked from sweat and beer and...

"I GOT HIT BY ROLLINS SPIT."

He went shhhh cuz I guess I was yelling or something. I don't know. I was pretty deaf. But then he said, "Oh, yeah? That's great."

Anyway, I'm rambling on about this and if I don't stop now, I'll be up til 4 in the morning talking about how great I felt after that show and how I, more or less, got to see Black fucking Flag and dude. Just...dude.

Totally random picture.

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