Halloween is in 30 days!

OK, so it's technically in 31 days but I don't wanna count today.

So I won't.

So there.

Yes, yes...my favorite holiday is fast approaching and even the bitter age-related cynicism isn't putting a damper on my holiday cheer.

Well, maybe it is a *little*, but how can I be upset when Tar-git has FIVE aisles of Halloween things? (I will mention that fact as often as I please since that fact makes me tingle.) I mean, Halloween is my Christmas. Hell, it's better than Christmas.

When I was little, I would have my costume figured out by August and have it put together by the end of September. October was spent decorating the house and my room and planning what various things I would be doing that Great Holy Night. When the actual night arrived, I would be in the best of spirits...running around, laughing, boundless energy and good will toward men. Something happens to me that night. I can't find the words to describe the feelings surging through my body...kinda sounds like I'm talking about sex, huh? Well, I bet Halloween is *better* than sex.

The first time I ever smoked the pot was Halloween night. If I get married, it will be on Halloween. If the boy knows anything about me, he'll propose on Halloween (just like a ghost/you've been haunting my dreams/so I'll propose/on Halloween -Classics 4...when I was a wee one, my dad always used to say that song was about me. He meant it as a compliment. Yes, I took 'spooky' as a compliment).

I never feel more alive than I do on Halloween night. Heh...kinda ironic. Alive. Halloween. Ooooh.

Or that used to be the case.

My last three Halloweens have sucked ass, though.

Three years ago I was at the very bottom of the Depression Pit. I didn't want to do anything and no one could make me. I ended up being dragged out of my house at 11:30 to go catch a midnight showing of Halloween. That was kinda nice. I remember I was wearing a Supertramp shirt and my friends said they would forgive me since it was Halloween and I could very well be wearing a costume. My friends deny a lot of things about me.

The next year, my grandma died Oct. 28th. All I wanted to do was sit in my room and cry while listening to all the happy children run around outside. Again, I got dragged out of my house. My friends' band was playing their first show at a Mexican restaurant down the street. There were explosives. The 'stage' (a stack of wooden pallets) was set on fire. One of the 'bouncers' (some dude in a gang my friend worked with) set himself on fire. Someone kept blowing up pumpkins. There was MD 20/20. That's all I really remember. I'm pretty sure I had an OK time considering the circumstances, yet that night could have been *any* night. Nothing special.

Which brings me to last year. Last year felt like Halloween. But I was more or less alone for most of the night. Last Halloween, I was working at the festival and spent the majority of the night in the middle of the woods surrounded by oil drums and mannequins. Yes, I was dressed up (mutant!) and yes, I scared people coming down the haunted trail. Yes, I had a few frights of my own (the woods where the festival grounds are have been documented as haunted). But I had no one to share my happiness with. Total fucking bummer. Yet, I was home and in bed by 1AM. That blows chunks.

So this year I want to do something *good*. I don't just want to dress up like Divine and go get drunk at some casual acquaintance's house. I want to hold seances and tell ghost stories. Watch scary movies and play pranks. I wanna get *scared*, really scared. Or at least be w/some people who understand. You know, the kind that doesn't scoff at scary stories and who'll chill w/me in a graveyard as I take pictures. Unfortunately, I don't think any of my friends will be up for it. They all grew up. Bastards. Well, I do have some friends who aren't die-hard cynics, but they scare *too* easily. There's nothing worse than trying to investigate strange noises in the attic of an old house while your stupid friend cries.

Dammit.

Now I'm depressed again. I just want to have a real Halloween, you know?

Too bad no one seems to understand.

<<< TOP >>>