I know what boys like. Well, not really. - 05.30.02 - 11:34 pm

Man, I knew something was a' brewin'. I don't usually cry during long-distance commercials. Really.

Damn ovaries.

You would think that after eleven years of ragging, I would be regular, wouldn't you? Nope. Even my body doesn't like to follow a schedule.


This entry was inspired by a thread at the Three Way Action boards. I lurk there shamelessly, am actually registered, yet I never post. It's a great place for finding great journals, among other things.

Anyhoo, here's

Top (and only) 8 Things That Will Exclude Boys As Boyfriend Material

1) Obviously, if you're a bigot in any way, shape, or form, I will not make-out w/you. Simple, right? This also includes expecting me to act a certain way because I am a girl and being surprised that I like/dislike something because I am a girl. That used to not bother me, but then I met someone who wouldn't shut up about my muscle car obsession and I realized how goddamn annoying it is.

2) For the love of all things holy, DO NOT wave meat in my face and say 'Mmm, dead animal' or anything like that. It does not bother me, more makes me want to stab you in the eye w/a steak knife. I've been a vegetarian for almost half my life and have heard it all. I am sick of it. Also, don't try to change me. I do my thing, you do yours. And, hey, I know some vegetarians who won't even kiss someone after that person has eaten meat. I'm not that dedicated, OK? Oh, but wait. Please don't go on and on about how much you love duck after you've found out I have a pet one. True, I have several pets that also double as food, but don't go there w/the duck. Really.

3) Take a fucking compliment, all right? Don't argue w/me when I tell you that you're hot. Especially while making-out. That's dumb. I hate that whole pity me bullshit. God knows I like to bitch, but I have faith in myself and I have faith that it will get better. A little self-esteem never hurt anyone. And you know I'll be understanding if you're having a rough day/week/month/etc. but when it never stops and you're whining over trivial things obsessively? No.

4) I doubt I would ever date someone who doesn't listen to more than three genres of music. Sub-genres don't count. I can't stand it when people say they don't like a genre of music and make no exceptions. The key there is 'no exceptions'. I can understand not liking most of, say, country music, but there's always an exception to the rule. Don't refuse a band because they're a certain type. Hell, the whole labeling music thing is kinda irritating as a whole, but it does make it easier for the purpose of this entry.

5) My pets know things, man. If they don't like you and (especially) if you don't like them, I'm going to be very very wary. 'Wary' like no making out wary.

6) Must have a passion. And I don't mean a passion where you participate only by yelling at the TV and live vicariously through those involved. Be it music, art, writing, cooking, actually playing a sport, collecting coasters, I don't care. As long as there is one thing in your life that you care deeply about and love doing. Why? Cuz I have a passion and I don't want a boy feeling like he's second. It's nice to have someone who understands why I must not sleep until I am finished w/a story and dude, please keep that CD on repeat. I know it's been playing for thirteen hours, but it's good luck. Plus, passions are an all around good thing to have running through your brain. Builds character or something. Masturbation doesn't count, by the way. Who doesn't love a little menage a moi?

7)Don't you dare fucking patronize me. This should be number one cuz, man, I can't even hold a conversation w/someone who talks down to me w/out walking away. I hate it. Despise it. Want to kill it.

8) And, finally, there must be some sort of spine in your back. I can be sarcastic and like to argue about politics. Argue back! Please! Also, have a life outside the relationship and know that I have one, too. Clinginess sucks ass. So does whining. I hate whining.

You hear that? It's scores of young, single men trying to bust down my door.

Yeah. I don't hear anything, either.

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