More Boy Shit - 07.25.02 - 12:46 pm

Happily lifted from Skypie.

Top 10 Albums/Bands/Music-Type Stuff That Will Prevent Me From Making Out With A Boy*

10) Sammy fucking Hagar era Van Halen and no sign of any David Lee Roth era Van Halen. Sammy fucking Hagar enthusiasts really do not mesh well w/me, I've found.

9) (taken straight from Mary, cuz, holy shit, I forgot how strong my hatred burned for this band) LEN. And I had better not have to remember that album w/that sun song cuz there was only one album and you know what I'm talking about, right? Right?

8) Nevermind or Unplugged Nirvana and no other albums by them. I'm sorry. I love that band and must make out w/someone who at least somewhat understands. Plus, who didn't have those two albums, hmm? Please don't answer that.

7) The Cirque de Soilel or however you spell it soundtrack. Yes, it exists and no, it is NOT good tonsil hockey music.

6) Enya. Enya makes me want to smash shit, OK? Not good if you want me to be your girlfriend.

5) An abundance of emo. Popular emo. And lots of little tissue flowers scattered around. If this shit doesn't stop, I'm really, really going to hate emo. I'm serious. Stop it.

4) Any album by pretty much most of the Lilith Fair people circa late 90s. I am not impressed.

3) Possessing an Nsync album and saying you're being ironic. Shut the fuck up. Either admit you like to dance around the bathroom while listening to them or stop using music as a way to further your sarcastic and too-cool-for-school cred. That's not nice.

2) Loads of new punk and no old punk. Vice versa doesn't matter cuz I really don't give a flying rat's ass about a lot of new punk. But if you like it, at least appreciate where these bands get their "inspiration". And don't make me listen to it w/out asking first.

2a) Hootie and the Blowfish.

2b) Limp Biscuit, Puddle of Mud, Stained, Twisted, Lincoln Park, you know what I mean. Again, Mary beat me to it.

2c) Weird Al. Not that I don't like him, mind you. I do. It's just that when I hear Weird Al, I think of my little brother. You can see the problem there, right?

1) And finally, the most important to me: a notable absence of variety. I really like people who listen to twenty different genres and don't feel the need to make excuses. You should never be ashamed of listening to a band and you should never offer excuses...just blatant and, if need be, profane announcements that you like so-and-so so shut the fuck up. This kinda makes this whole list pretty obsolete, huh? Eh.

Top 10 Albums/Bands/Music-Type Stuff That Will Immediately Cause Me to Make Out With A Boy*

10) Every single Nirvana album, import, single, etc.. Obsession in fun when it's shared.

9) Sleater-Kinney. Enough said.

8) Bikini Kill. Ditto. Particularly The First Two Albums.

7) Bruce Sprinsteen's Born in the USA. Cuz that album fucking rocks and those who love The Boss are OK w/me.

6) Buster Poindexter. I think I'd like to make out w/someone while listening to Buster Poindexter.

5) Ice fucking T. There will be no making out w/out the OG, OK?

4) A notable absence of trance. I kinda really don't like trance.

3) The Ramones. Of the few boys I've dated, the ones that ended the worst were the ones who didn't like the Ramones. I think it has to do w/something in the frontal lobe.

2) Violent Femmes. Any album cuz they're all good. I don't know why, but I have a special place in my heart for people who like the Violent Femmes. OK, maybe I do know why and it has to do w/That Boy, but fuck it. I'm kinda over That Boy, so it's obsolete now.

1) And, finally, a music collection that defies genres, offered w/no excuse or apologies or declarations of irony.

Fucking A, that took me a long time to do. And it will probably change by the end of the day, too.

*Of course, I had to make it as difficult as possible.

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