I'm so fucking weak and jumpy right now. I don't know what's wrong. I feel like I've been gutted or drugged and this is just a shell of me typing.

I know that I need to just fucking talk about things and not keep them all bottled up to fester and explode, but I just can't. It's been so long and I haven't said a word, that talking about anything would take too much out of me.

My hands are shaking. Why are my hands shaking?

My mom is up. I don't think I can write about anything when she's sneezing in the kitchen. I almost believe that she can hear the words in the clack clack clack of the keyboard.

Now the ducklings are quacking. They sound pissed. I would be pissed, too, if I had to sleep on the porch while the big duck got to sleep in the house.

OK. It's quiet. It's very, very quiet.

I'm scared to cry.

Tonight was a series of dominoes. Cause and effect. Every action had a reaction and every reaction led to more action.

I want to go far, far away. I want to forget HERE and NOW and THEN. I want to be a completely different person w/no past and no regrets. I don't want to know the things I know and do the things I do. I just want to stop.

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