Top Three Reasons Why You Should Never Take Psych. Pills for Fun and Recreation:

1) It's fucking stupid.

2) It makes you do fucking stupid things.

3) When you're at the dentist, getting ready for your teeth to be yanked out, it would be better for everybody if the first dose of "oral sedatives" worked, instead of having the poor nurse administer pill after pill for the next hour and a half until you're properly sedated, but obviously not sedated enough because you still want to cry when you feel the million shots of Novocain.

HA HA HA. I thought I was paying 150 for happy gas, but instead I got a bunch of pills. From what I could recognize, they gave me Xanax, Valium and some kind of hydrocodone. The nurses checked on me every ten minutes and I guess I wasn't loopy enough for they kept handing me pills. I could hear them whispering in the back about my "size" and how I should have been gone by then and all I could think was "Man, $150? I could have gotten this shit for 30 bucks."

The rest is a little hazy.

I remember asking when I could eat sandwiches again.

I said, "My mouth is really dry. Is that from the green and white pill?" I was correct.

Yeah, I felt the teeth getting pulled out. Actually, it was just the broken one I felt and there seems to have been a problem extracting it. I dunno. I got stitches though, which I also felt. It didn't hurt, of course, but I could FEEL it, you know?

I hate needles.

Then I asked, "What do you do with the teeth?" I can't remember what they said, but it wasn't cool at all. I was hoping they used them in maracas or something for their dentist parties at the end of the day.

Yeah. The nurse said my brother should take me right home and put me to bed, but I was like, fuck that! Let's go to Walgreens! I want a magazine and maybe some gummy bears. Oh, wait....

I got my prescription and my magazine (COSMOgirl!) and glared at a lot of people for looking at me funny.

Then I passed out in the recliner.

My mom woke me up around 8 by holding Howie up to my face and saying, "Howie wants to say goodnight." It was then I realized the stitches make it hurt to smile. Oh, well. Like I ever smile that much anyway. How can one smile in a world that's so cruel and totally unhip?

Sometime that evening, I called Jerkface and whined. Then I told him to yell at me for whining and he wouldn't but then he did. Yay, Jerkface! I think I wanted to tell him how much I wanted a sandwich and then yell at him for not caring cuz I sent him something and he didn't write back. Except I couldn't yell and I believe I just talked about having no friends and really wanting a sandwich.

Dude, and remember how I was whining about not having enough money to get my teeth yanked out? I guess the nurse had stopped adding everything up when I started crying cuz I knew I couldn't afford it, cuz yesterday? When she told me the final price to have all three teeth pulled plus the sedatives? Over twice as much as I had thought. Oh, man, ha ha ha. I LOVE MY LIFE. So I could only get two pulled, plus the sedative. And even if I didn't have the sedatives, I still wouldn't have been able to remove all three. Whatever. Sunshine and kittens and roses. Hooray!

I wanna go see the pirates again. And, dude, May's brother said he'd go camping with us on the H-Arr!-dcore Camping Trip! Hooray for May's brother!

I'M GOING TO KILL THAT FUCKER IF THEY DON'T STOP CUTTING UP WEEDS. My god. It's making me break into a cold sweat, that horrible racket. IHATEYOUIHATEYOUIHATEYOU.

I'm gonna go watch Ed Wood now.

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