Hand Blender - 01.15.03 - 11:39 am
Look!

Ah, stupid boy shit. I don't even know why I bothered to write that entry last night like I actually still cared.

As a penance, I will now talk about this year's midlife crisis. OK, so that is a pretty sucky penance and I should probably have chosen to regale you with poultry stories, but fuck it. I wanna talk about me. Yay, me.

The birthday is one week from Saturday and I'm surprisingly unaffected. Usually, the few weeks before my birthday are reserved for flipping the fuck out because I hadn't achieved whatever goal I had set for myself by that age. This year, though...nothing. I guess I wasn't joking when I said I planned to be dead by the time I turned 21.

But, wait. The sky is blue and my coffee cup is half full.

Maybe this year I can focus on more important shit like getting hammered and not fret about the as of yet unwritten novel. Maybe this year I can actually have fun and not worry that I'm going to end up like one of those creepy middle-aged ladies who apply foundation with a spatula and are always checking out self-help audiocassettes published in the early 80s. They also ask very personal questions and try to give me their phone number after I compliment them on their nail polish. True story. Shit, true digression.

I can't remember when I turned my birthday into a day of misery, but I'm guessing it was sometime around the age of 10 when I invited my entire class to my birthday party and only three people showed up. And don't go aww, OK? In my present misanthropic state, I find it funny. Seriously. Ask my therapist.

Eh, I don't know. I think I'm gearing up to have a midlife crisis over not having a midlife crisis. Then again, could this lack of anxiety be because I am content with what I have and what I am doing? Or maybe it's just simple apathy.

Damn, I got all analytical there, didn't I? Haven't done that in awhile, I don't think.

Anyway, I'm going to go see what can and cannot be pureed by my BRAND NEW HAND BLENDER. 10 fucking dollars, you guys. I usually shun electric kitchen appliances, but this is different. It's fucking neat.

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