The base of my skull fucking HURTS and it is scaring me. It's been like this for days and I have come to believe that there is a small, vindictive creature living there, having its own Dance Party USA in my body. Maybe I should see a doctor. Or an exorcist.

Anyway, time for a diner story. My sack o' shit fell under the table, tonight, and my cell phone took the opportunity to flee. As we were leaving, I decided to look down there one more time to make sure I wasn't leaving behind any bat confetti or, god forbid, lip gloss. I see my phone cowering in the dark and right next to it, a small, cirular object. I picked it up and saw that it was a ring. A yellow one with several small sparkley things. I gave it to the waiters who, upon seeing that it was only 10k plated, gave it back to me.

"You're always here, so if someone claims it, we'll tell you," they said.

I showed it to my dad when I came home and he insists that they're real diamonds. I saw cubic zirconia or, more than likely, recycled soda bottles, but he swears on it. Why? Because there is no backing to the setting. I don't know what this means, but apparently my father does.

So, yeah. Add this to the list of odd things I am always finding.

I actually did find a diamond ring once. It was partially buried in the sand at a causeway beach. I was just walking along, looking for shells, when I saw it, which is something that astounded my mother. I was about eleven and the thing barely fit my ring finger. It was tiny. And silver. A year later, though, I was baking some bread and the ring got covered in dough. My mom threw it out, thinking it was some other random piece of weird shit I had brought home. I did that a lot, by the way. Bring things home that I had found in a gutter or ditch. So I was only mad at her for about four years afterwards. It was a really neat old ring, man.

Oh, fuck. I think the creature in my skull is booty dancing now. God, this hurts.

I just ate a bagel and bagels before bedtime give me sexy dreams that help no one. Christ. I don't want to go to bed.

But I am.

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