An open letter to the people of Florida:

Hi. I hate you. I truly, truly hate you. I hate you like I hate sneezing, people who kick puppies, and Ray Liotta.

Have you not been paying attention for the last four years? This is a serious question. HAVE YOU NOT BEEN PAYING ATTENTION? The environment is fucked, education is fucked, women's rights have been fucked and then fucked again for good measure. Legitimate programs have lost funding, while "special interest" (read, projects only of interest to people who gave the politician money for his/her campaign) projects have flourished. People all across the country are laughing at us instead of places like Alabama. Have you not noticed? You can't all have your heads that far up your asses.

Jeb! did this. And Jeb! will continue to do this because you voted for him.

He doesn't give a fuck about Florida. The man was a real estate developer before he started in politics. He sees Florida as a big pile of checks just waiting to be cashed.

Goddamn.

Or do you not care? Do you look at Jeb! and see that handsome (although I see "moon-faced fuckhead"), kinda charming, kinda smart man and think "Aw, what a nice man. I think I'll vote for him and his perfectly styled coiffure." Here's a thought for you: Lucifer was supposedly quite the looker, too.

The man actually said he had "devious plans" and YOU. VOTED. FOR. HIM.

Can I say it again? Yes, I will. Jeb! does not care about Florida. I don't know what he cares about (besides his hair cuz fucking Christ, man, does that guy ever have a bad hair day?), but it's not for the best of this state. Unless you believe that "the best" is nothing but pavement, smog ang Jesus as far as the eye can see. To those peopel I say: how does it feel to actually vote for someone you like? Cuz I'd really to know.

Oh, I digress.

And I drunk.

Anyhoo, his own daughter is in rehab. Jeb! wants to cut rehab funding. But his daughter is in rehab. He wants to cut funding.... He doesn't like abortion for teens, but he doesn't liek sex education. No abortion and no sex education. So not talking about it will make it go away? Right. Like herpes.

My god. You do realize that this means I'm going to stay in Florida for the next four years, right? Like I've said before: leaving this state now would be like leaving my child with a drunk psychopath who hates kids. You just don't do that, OK? I love thsi state. It's weird. It looks like a penis. It is surrounded by water and shit. It has alligators./ this state makes me happy. And now Jeb! is going to try to turn it into some weird freaking something. I dyunno.

So yeah. I HATE YOU. Jeb! is bad. I am drunk.

Good fucking night.

Sincerely, Molly

PS: I hope you wet your beds tonight. And tomorrow night, too. Ha.

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