ENVY ME! - 07.21.03 - 3:33 am
Look!

I'm going to do this in two parts cuz I know it will be long and I LOVE YOU, therefore do not want to smother you with the details of my life.

You know, that made sense in my head.

Anyway, guess who I got to hang out with? And drink with? And smoke cigarettes with? The too-cool-and-lovely-for-words Jess aka BienSoul.

She had mentioned in her journal that she would be in Orlando and I'm like, hey! I can totally do Orlando! So May and I jumped in her car Saturday and drove our happy asses to Disney to meet Jess.

On the way there, we saw one of the worst accidents I've ever seen. There were still bodies and bloody sheets in the road and I couldn't look away fast enough. Shaking hands and one cigarette after another. May's knuckles were white and she tried to explain to me how an accident like that could happen. She and I decided then that whatever we did that night would involve alcohol and Johnny Depp in eyeliner. You know what? I don't want to talk about that accident anymore.

So, yeah. Woo, Disney! I fucking hate Disney. If you curse, the cast members take you into a room and force you to watch Peter Pan a la Clockwork Orange. Then they beat you mercilessly. No joke.

Well, that's what I heard, anyway.

We showed up and May started yelling about Legos and how cool they were. I was like, "Dude. What's wrong with you? It's like there's something in the air here...DUCKS! OHMYGOD! LOOK AT THE DUCKS! EEE!" Yeah, there were ducks and I got all happy. Shut up. Disney knows your weakness, too, I bet.

Then we found Jess and the quest for alcohol/pirates began.

First we looked at some toys, though. I like toys.

You know, you wouldn't expect Disney to have really good (strong) margaritas, but if you think about it for a bit, it makes a whole hell of a lot of sense.

Jess had not seen Pirates of the Caribbean yet so May and I were like, "Woo! Pirates!" and we got tickets to go see it in a couple hours. Then we found food. And beer. And then, and then, and then. God, I suck at storytelling.

Anyway, I am now able to work quotes from that movie into everyday conversation. Also, I want to lick Johnny Depp's cheekbones.

Among other things.

HA HA HA HA HA.

Jesus, I should have done this earlier cuz right now my brain is dead and there is no way I can do Saturday night justice. I had a fucking awesome time and Jess is as funny in person as she is on her journal and I am really glad I actually had the guts to say, "Dude, I'm in Florida. We should totally hang out." And then actually do it and not let the fear that I'm a total massive dork get in the way. Too much.

Hey, did you guys like that Johnny Depp joke? "Among other things." Yeah, that's fucking classic.

I want a lobotomy for Christmas this year, Santa.

<<< TOP >>>

Forever 23, my ass - 01.25.06

P-Nutz - 01.20.06

My nose hurts - 01.16.06

And really bad eggs - 01.13.06

I ain't no Alex Trebek - 01.11.06