This is the first part of the entry for tonight.

OK, so today is technically Play Day.

I just finished my revisions about two hours ago.

Like I told my friend earlier this evening: This is no longer procrastination. It's masochism.

I've had a constant mass of butterflies in my stomach for the past twenty-four hours and they are kicking some serious stomach ass. You wouldn't think that butterflies are tough, but these fuckers? Dude. If I were you, I'd be careful.

Shit is not too good right now and I'm going to try to keep it brief. More for my sake than yours.

1) I have zero confidence in myself right now. Z-E-R-O. I was uncomfortable with some of the play dude's suggestions, so I didn't take them and now I'm worried it will suck because of that. Yeah, I know. It's my play. But, goddamnit, it's in my head and I'm so fucking scared the audience will get the wrong message out of the script or just hate it all together. Deep breath.

2) I really fucking miss K right now. His birthday is on Wednesday and I can't stop thinking about how he would ask me to read his stories cuz he thought I was an "awesome writer" and my opinion meant a lot to him. Then I would read these stories and be blown away by how goddamn good he was and couldn't believe that he would want my opinion when he was obviously the better writer. I know he would be there tonight and it fucking kills me that he won't. I can't talk about this.

3) As of right now, I don't even have a ride. Yeah, I'm trying really hard to not let this get to me and/or take it as a sign. I'm sure I'll find a way and worrying about this is just making the butterflies angrier.

OK, OK. Calm blue ocean. Calm blue ocean. Johnny Depp in eyeliner. Calm blue ocean.

I am OK.

Just nerves.

It will pass and everything will be OK.

Yes.

<<< TOP >>>