My hands look old - 03.11.03 - 2:16 am
Look!

I will not stay up till dawn, I will not stay up till dawn, I will not stay up till dawn.

Aw, who am I kidding?

Today was a weird day. I woke up at 2, my grandfather called and told my little brother that he needed me to go grocery shopping for him and I was thirty minutes late to work because I felt like a horrible person for leaving my grandfather alone so I stayed a bit longer to talk to him.

He feels guilty for good reason, I feel guilty for no reason, and I amazed myself with the way I walked up to him, gave him the fried chicken, and spoke like I was in control. I smiled and asked if I had gotten the right kind of pizza and kept my composure. I even went into that fucking house and put away the groceries without breaking down in tears. It helped that my brother was there and we have this kind of unspoken understanding about Dzadzi.

I totally spelled that wrong.

Anyway, I'm having issues. That's why I'm kind of sort of writing about him, but now I feel bad cuz...well, just cuz.

Change of subject! Woo!

You know you want our zine, man. May uses concise and frank language to describe what may happen if you don't accept our offer.

Anyway, you wanna know what sucks ass? When you're feeling both amorous and really fucking ugly at the exact same time. Right. So, I usually avoid mirrors because the last thing I want out of this trivial life are body issues, but sometimes I need a reflective surface better than a spoon to apply eyeliner. Lately, I've been looking at myself and, um, not feeling very happy. This SUCKS ASS because I hate thinking about appearances and isn't there a war going on that I should be worried about? I don't know. I hate this paragraph. And I hate its mother, too.

Fuck it.

Apologies for the following. (If you're sick of boy talk, I'm pretty much done with this entry, anyway, so you can stop reading and not miss anything.)

In my personal zine, there's this thing I kind of wrote about a certain person and I kind of smeared emotion all over the pages and I kind of sent it to this certain person. I'm kind of angry with myself since I don't usually tell people how much I care for them and now I'm anticipating me getting upset because this certain person won't say anything about it and I'll take that to mean they don't care/are rolling their eyes behind my back.

KIDS...just say NO to pouring yr heart out, OK? Keep that shit all bottled up nice and tight. Suppression is HEALTHY.

Wow, I kind of went off on a tangent there, didn't I? OK, so I just wanted to use the word "tangent" and now it's time for bed.

<<< TOP >>>

Forever 23, my ass - 01.25.06

P-Nutz - 01.20.06

My nose hurts - 01.16.06

And really bad eggs - 01.13.06

I ain't no Alex Trebek - 01.11.06