Freedom fries?

I've been hearing about this shit for weeks now and I figured it was just a passing thing. Maybe a couple family-owned diners were changing the menus, a few people here and there refusing to utter the f-word, you know. No big deal.

And now I read that lawmakers are actually wasting time deciding that all House Office buildings will longer use the word "French" on the menu. Well. I bet that changes the goddamn world, don't you think?

Why stop there? What about those French-Canadians? Until France agrees with us, they'll be FREEDOM-Canadians. Yeah, I bet that hurt. Don't forget The Donnas. They just wanna freedom kiss you. And poor, poor French Stewart. Hope it's not too hard for him to get used to signing his name Freedom Stewart. Oh, snap.

I never thought I would see the day where I referenced French Stewart in a diary entry. And what a fine, fine day it is.

Anyway, this reminds me of World War II and how sauerkraut became Liberty Cabbage. Except Germany was being run by a megalomaniacal piss-fetish bigot responsible for the deaths of millions and France just said "no war" to Big Poppa. Not that I condone the bastardization of foodstuff names, but isn't that a wee bit fucked? Yeah.

I am so sick of this shit. I was hoping on living my life without experiencing Wang War III, but it looks like our government is itchin' for some killin' and not even french fries are safe from the rah! rah! America nationalism.

Oh, but wait. Before I change the subject and start talking about ducks, I believe that the author of the above article deserves mondo amounts of oral sex. Why? For feeling the need to use the following quote and to give it its own paragraph: "The French Embassy in Washington had no immediate comment, except to say that french fries actually come from Belgium."

I love my lady ducks. Seriously. They are so fucking awesome.

Remeber how I mentioned that there were two mottled ducks? It turns out that it was a couple and it didn't take long for the boy to start grooving on my mallards. This upset me for many reasons. One of them being that while he chased my ducklings, his girlfriend just sat there quiet and watched and I could totally tell that she was sad. So I got this big stick and waved it at the mottled boy in the hopes it would scare him off. I called it my Anti-Sexin' Stick and it worked pretty well for awhile. He would see the stick and let my ducklings eat in peace while he watched from a distance.

Anyhoo, ever since the mottled boy started moving in on the ladies, Fat Boy has been missing. Since Fat Boy scared off the other mallard males, we figured that the mottled scared him off. You know, that whole male dominance thing. Right.

So today I went out to feed the ducks their mid-afternoon snack and I see all four girls in the water, swimming around, bobbing, nicely quacking amongst themselves. It was very nice and peaceful. Mottled Boy was nowhere to be seen.

Then I thought of something. Maybe it was the ladies who scared of the boys. Yeah! They were sick of all the clumsy advances and told the boys to go fuck off. That makes perfect sense!

Oh, oh, oh! Another thing! The otter family is back! Four of them! Otters! I love otters! Hooray for otters!

I think it's time I went to bed. Like, an hour ago.

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