It won't go away - 03.04.03 - 12:33 pm
Look!

Good afternoon, everybody! It's only 12:30 and already I feel like shoving both fists through the wall! Don't ya just LOVE it?! I can already tell that today is going to be a GREAT day! Hooray!

While I was staying with friends, my best friend and I spent one night listening to tapes and drinking Boone's Farm. We were supposed to be finding anti-war songs but it ended up being the two of us reminiscing about certain songs/albums.

On one of the tapes is a song by K's band. K played drums, but at the very end, he yells something like "Why don't you eat another cheeseburger, bitch?"

Fucking K and his fucking cheeseburgers.

Anyway, I won't even bother rambling about how hearing the voice of someone who has been dead for almost two and a half years is really weird and sad. I'm sure that just goes without saying. Instead, I will type out what I wrote in my paper journal the minute I woke up from a dream this morning.

Ahem. If you don't like dream entries, then now would be a good time to hit that X up in the corner.

"There was this boy who was kind of interested in you, but you're like, whatever, I like talking to him, though. Ahh. Fuck third person. Third person sucks.

"Anyway, it was another one of those dreams where I was in the car with my father and he had to drive carefully because there were all these turtles in the road. This time, though, we were able to not run over any and I saw no other car do that, either. Run them over, I mean.

"Anyway, I somehow ended up in a crazy, half-built rich neighborhood and I get a call on my cell phone from my best friend. She says, 'Hey, we're coming over. K is here, too. Somehow, he is not dead anymore.' I'm like 'What?' She laughs and says, 'I don't know how he did it, but he's here.' Then she hands the phone to him and he tells me that he's back and he can't wait to see me. And that he still has a huge crush on me.

"I hang up and feel a little guilty because of that other boy, but fuck it. K is back. (Note- This 'other boy' was some kid I've seen all of two times. I can't even remember his name, let alone figure out why he was in my dream.)

"Finally, they show up and K gives me the best hug ever. A hug I can still feel. We're talking and touching and I'm so fucking glad he's back. I show him the tattoo on my wrist and say, 'Hey, when you kill yourself again, I can get that date done on my other wrist.' He gives me a look like 'Yeah, like I'm ever going to do THAT stupid shit again.' He grabs my hand and we start walking.

"I see that other boy and he hands me a note. 'How old are you?' he asks. I answer 21 and he says 'Oh, I'm 15.' I still feel a little guilty but think that this kid would make an awesome friend.

"K never once let go of my hand."

So that's what I woke up to.

It's good in the sense that it was a good dream and I feel nice. It's bad in the sense that K is actually still dead and right now I miss him so much it fucking hurts.

Yeah.

Happy fucking Tuesday.

Oh, fuck. It's fucking Mardi Gras, isn't it? Jesus H. Christ. I think I'm going to go drink some gasoline. No, that's stupid. Nail polish remover. Yeah.

Maybe tonight I will post some bad teen poetry written on Mardi Gras seven years ago. Or just tell acid stories.

<<< TOP >>>

Forever 23, my ass - 01.25.06

P-Nutz - 01.20.06

My nose hurts - 01.16.06

And really bad eggs - 01.13.06

I ain't no Alex Trebek - 01.11.06