This makes me sound like a hippie. - 11.15.02 - 12:03 am

Here's an interesting story about perception.

Yesterday, on the way to work, there was a cop car in front of us. It slowed down and pulled onto the grass next to the road. There was about thirty feet between the street and the fence blocking off a person's yard. Right next to the fence I saw two bikes, one boy, and a bassett hound laying on its side with its back towards the road.

Two seconds, I watched. Two seconds and I turned away as quickly as I could because I could already feel my eyes start to well up with tears.

I kept most of it in, but by the time I got to work, I had to run to the bathroom so no one would see me sobbing.

Two fucking seconds.

I had no clue what was going on. It could have been a number of things but my mind automatically accepted the worst one. The worst one being two kids took their dog for a bike ride. A stupid fucking piece of shit accidentally hits the dog and flees. They move the dog away from the road and one kid goes to call someone for help. Then the cop comes.

I don't know the ending. I looked away too fast.

This is what my brain believed and this is what kept my eyes wet all night.

It started by thinking about the boy and his dog. And then I thought about what would happen if some stupid fucking piece of shit hit one of my dogs and just left her there. And then I thought about all the dogs who get hit by cars. And abused. And killed. Everything snowballed into this horrible feeling of desperation and pain and, for the millionth time, I said "I need to do something."

It goes without saying that I love animals. If I saw somebody hurting an animal, I would fucking hurt them. A lot. It scares me that I can say that as easily as I can say "My name is" but it's true. I can't even think about some of the shit I've heard about people doing. OK, I wandering away from the point.

People always ask how come I'm not in vet school. You love animals so much, why don't you become a vet? Except I couldn't handle it. If I couldn't save an animal, I would hate myself.

But I need to do something. I need to go out there and physically help. Donating money is good, but not enough. I want to come home tired because I spent the day keeping an animal alive and healthy. And fuck the paycheck. I don't even think I could accept money for doing that.

Anyway. Because of this, I have decided to move to Utah. And work here. Reading the damn FAQ made me cry, OK? I can't describe how it makes me feel that there is a place like this and that there are people who dedicate their lives to keeping it running. I want to go there. I want to help. I've been talking about this for months and months and I'm going to fucking do it.

This summer.

OK, this has been a weird entry (like notes to Jimmy Fallon are normal) but I'm not sorry. It makes me feel better to type this out.

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