Goddamn, is it a nice fucking day. Sad, yes, but really nice. I woke up chilly cuz my fan was blowing on me and my blankets were molded into a couch form against my wall. I stretched out on my bed and pretended I was playing hooky from school.

Then I got sad.

But right now it's overcast, not sweltering, I'm smoking Pall Malls, drinking coffee, listening to Johnny Cash, talking to my fucking boyfriend over the in-ter-net and it is OK.

By the way, I apologize for the unannounced, kinda long hiatus. Apparently, it's futile to try to re-adjust to a stupid fucking society when you never adjusted in the first place. HA HA HA HA HA. I'm a social reject! Hooray!

If it starts raining, I'm gonna fucking bawl, I swear.

....

Jesus, you fucking sadist.

Anyway, Jay, Are and Best Friend in the Whole World are leaving for Mexico the day after tomorrow. People keep asking me where they are going to move and I'm like, "South, along the Pacific coast." And the people are like, "But where? Don't they have a house to go to?" And I'm like, "You're missing the point, fucker." And rather than attempting to explain the point, I just fucking cut them or something.

Someone needs to punch me in the face. I shouldn't be talking about them leaving when they are still here. That just sucks and messes everything up. For us, at least. I can't have a repeat of California when I don't have a plane ticket to New York waiting for me. I even hid the CD with Leaving on a Jet Plane on it so I'm not tempted to listen to it twenty million times.

I AM FUCKING OK, GODDAMNIT.

So, yeah, I went on a long walk early Sunday morning and thinking about it still calms me down.

I told the boyfriend that I would be careful and smoke a lot of cigarettes so if someone fucked with me, I could burn their eyes out or something. Someone once said that you have to walk tough and you'll be OK. The phrase kept running through my head, along with the boyfriend saying, "Keep smoking" but I think my gait could be described more as a leisurely stroll.

Like I'd ever rush through a pre-dawn walk.

Almost halfway home and I had to make a decision. Should I go this way and look for coyotes or should I go this way and make my way through lots of awesome construction? Figuring the construction was a sure thing and coyotes may hide when they see me coming, I cut through a couple subdivisions and ended up surrounded by sleeping machinery and piles of large construction-type things.

Nobody and nothing was awake and is it weird that walking makes me feel better than most anything in the world?

Eh.

Anyway, I have to get ready for work. I promise I'll start updating more, even if what I have to say could be construed as whining. Or less-than-sane. Or irrational. Or depressing.

You get it.

And that's why I love you, sugarbutt.

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