Fears - 05.01.02 - 9:44 am

I am sick and I am pissy.

I had to go take a physical on Monday and, dude, if I had known how much shit that required, I honestly don't think I would have taken a job w/the city.

Knowing my intense fear of all things medical, friends reassured me that a physical is nothing to worry about. The doctor would listen to your heart, ask a bunch of questions, then hand you a cup to pee in. Maybe (s)he would poke a couple places and ask if it hurt. That's all, they said.

That's all, my ASS.

The whole ordeal took three hours.

And I got poked. Not only w/a gloved finger, but w/a needle.

I fucking hate needles.

I told the nurse that I don't deal well w/shots and she tried to reassure me that the pain wasn't too bad. I told her it's not the pain that bothers me, it's the fact that it goes in my arm. For this very same reason, I don't have anything pierced. Anyway, I was good and stared at a diagram of the digestive system while she administered the shot. Granted, I still have cuts from my nails in my palm, but whatever. I heard her say 'OK' and I looked at my arm. That goddamn needle was still in my arm and I almost passed out. I'm a wuss, I know.

Then (here's the best part) I had to get x-rayed. At the hospital.

I don't know if some of you remember this, but I am pertified of hospitals. I can't be in one for more than five minutes w/out having a mini anxiety attack. 'Accidents' usually follow. So, yeah. I was in the hospital for an hour and go, me! No accidents. I kept shaking for an hour after we left, though.

I'll never understand my fears. The only four phobias I have are needles, hospitals, heights, and fast moving water (the latter may have something to do w/the fact that I live in Florida and all the water acts like it's been popping Valium).

When I visited New York City and went to the World Trade Center, I walked to the edge of the roof and looked down. Horrifying, yes, but exhilarating. Then when I was in upstate New York, I went white-water canoeing. Same effect.

I faced those fears and actually loved the rush it gave me. Then again, hospitals and needles are fucking scary and it's no wonder I can't face them.

OK, I think it's time for me to take something and go to bed. I feel like hell. And I feel even worse cuz I have emails to write and now I can't muster up the strength.

I suck.

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